Never leave your loved ones
I often wonder what happened to you, where you are now and what became of you. I drove by the old house and saw it was empty and for rent—kind of sad. So much time has passed since I last saw you. It’s been a year since I last wrote and never heard back from you, not even a reply or a how are you, nothing. Time before that you stabbed me in the back and heart and I didn’t hear from you that time either. I made an effort to communicate with you to no avail and I finally drew that line that I wouldn’t cross again—contacting you. There have been many times I’ve wanted to talk to you, pretty much every day, but I’ve finally learned what that gets me. I waited a long time hoping you would contact me but that never happened. And while I don’t read too much into this place I know you have been posting here on occasion, so I hoped that our last venue of communication would break the ice but instead you just used it as a game.
I am sorry in so many ways that things turned out as they did but I know there was nothing I could do to stop you from going down the path you did, and I am sorry. We all choose our own paths and while I am happy with the path I chose I do miss you everyday. I started my own company and it’s still up and running and even about to expand. I often find myself thinking about what it would be like if you were still here, in so many ways we meshed but the timing was obviously not right.
In the end, I concluded that except for an early moment of puppy love, I was nothing more than a place filler in your life and I couldn’t give up my entire life just to fill in where and when needed, that’s not love nor a relationship. I think most telling was that except for that brief flurry of Love/Hate communications from you, I never heard from you again, other than your random postings and we all know what that’s worth: nothing. Funny how you managed to stay in communication with all your other exs though?
I’ll share an observation with you, you often told me that you knew I loved you and yet you never really told me that you loved me, and I don’t think you ever did. You told me I was handsome and smart and whatnot but never “I love you”, of course you were still wearing your ex’s jewelry the entire time we were together so I guess that says something.
You asked me why I never left Chicago. The answer is because after so many years it just gets too hard to leave loved ones, time is oh-so-short and precious, leaving everyone I love once again was just too hard, even for life somewhere besides this god forsaken city, and so I stayed. You were part of that equation.
The other answer to the other question, why I “disappeared”, well seeing as you didn’t want a relationship I couldn’t put myself through the pain of just being your friend, I wasn’t just going to be a convenience anymore, sorry.
